Thursday, July 31, 2008


hello! Rachel again here. More pictures from that fabulous day:

the AMAZING woman who did our clothing.

the fabulous lady who performed the ceremony and a good friend of both me and the groom's. wife to the tall pirate.

my absolute favortie picture!

the ENTIRE wedding party including pirates, officiator, and their kids (a pirate bat {c'mon, he's ten!} and a gypsy pirate).

the table setup. when people came in to the hall, they found little bags with their name and table number on them. inside was a letter from the queen expaining that she was sharing the wealth. the coins are chocolage!

the groom and his new family!

Why hello there!

Hi everyone! *waves* This would be Sarah's most fabulous (and only, but we won't go there) sister, Rachel. She asked me to pop in for a moment and post some pictures of my wedding. It was a blast! The theme was originally "Renaissance Faire" but somehow turned into "Pirates!"

This may be somewhat long, but I would say it is worth it. Well, here goes!

First of all, the cake. Oh my, the cake. The cake turned out BEAUTIFULLY! Isn't it just gorgeous?

Next, and most importantly, the groom. Never have I seen him look so darn handsome! We had all of our wedding finery custom made by a good friend of ours. Colors were purple and silver.

This would be the groom and his family. His father was the best man - the man I was originally "supposed" to marry! When we started, the groom was nowhere in sight. The groomsmen and bridesmaids were up front. In walk the "groom" and this lovely lady. She kisses him and goes to sit down.

Then comes my parents and I. Don't they look amazing? They walk me up to the front, each giving me a kiss before sitting down. I take the "groom's" hands and we look lovingly into each other's eyes before....

PIRATES crash the wedding! They burst through the door that you see behind them, with the actual groom in the party. They challenge the "groom" who then becomes the best man and put my husband in his place.
It was an AMAZING time

More Photos

Look at ME, Mom!
( Robby swimming at camp - this was the first time
I had made it to see him IN the pool )

Mila's wearing the dress I made her, playing at the

camp playground.

Mila & Robby being weirdo's in the cage!

Mila, Robby, AND DeeDee in the cage being weirdos!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Confronting fear...

I have a very, very deep seated fear of going to the dentist. It is never pleasant. I had childhood braces for the better par of ten years. I had four impacted and infected wisdom teeth, after which I had four cases of dry socket... and horrible TMJ issues that kept me out of work for another resulting three weeks. I have a HUGE issue with having peoples fingers in my mouth ( the idea itself gives me shivers ), and the scraping, whizzing, buzzing, showering you with mint flavored grit and mouthwash just does me right in.

And so I haven't gone to the dentist in many years.

When Alex told me several weeks ago that he was making appointments, I began to have panic attacks. My teeth never hurt but there was some plaque buildup that I could see - I knew it wouldn't be good. I've had two pregnancies where my teeth had a daily stomach acid bath... many days several times. It had been YEARS since I'd gone... I couldn't do it... I just couldn't force myself to go. I convinced him - once - to delay the trip by another week. After that, though, there were no more excuses.

Then the nightmares began. And the panic attacks. And the constant humour to prepare me for the worst. Tooth pulling. Picking scraping scaling probing with the tiny axe blade in sensitive gums. Root canals minus anesthetic.

Having all of my teeth pulled under sedation and being fitted with dentures sounded wonderfully attractive. I checked the calendar. One day.... Crap. Stomach flu? Fall down the stairs? What, what what could I do get out of going? Feign a migraine? " Forget " and be out of cell phone contact?

But I didn't. I even got in the car. I stared through the window, making jokes about not going in and just staying in the car. Alex got out and took my keys. The heat inside the car rose to a sweltering 40* instantly. I thought to myself.... heat stroke would be a good one... But I got out of the car, blinking back hysteria and walked into the dentist.

I could go into details about the embarrassment of telling the dentist it had been just shy of nine years. I could tell you how they took Alex back first, and I almost bolted out the door. I could say how I started to cry and hyperventilate, and actually wondered if I was going to pass out. I could say how horrible it was to hear my name, hear " Eight years? Oh dear... " and how the only way I got through it was texting a friend, and a music remake to drown out the polishing drill.

But what it really comes down to is... I still hate the dentist. And because I was a pansy and didn't go... I have lots and lots of work to be done.


I wonder if they can prescribe Valium for dentist fear?

Saturday, July 26, 2008

With Little Trepidation

I will talk very, very quietly, without any hint of bragging.

Mila's weight gain has been decent and we are cleared to start pureed foods through her gtube after insertion!!! What a blessing this will be for her! And with a much, much bigger tube ( 1.5 to 2x the size of what she has for an NG ), she'll be able to get feeds faster and hopefully - less traumatically! Giving her 1 oz ( 30 mls ) of formula takes approximately 15 minutes via syringe right now. Through her gtube, it may take 15 seconds.

Her hand looks better to Alex, though I think it actually looks a bit worse ( I'm concerned at what seems to be fluid under the skin ). She had a super huge vomit the other day, right all over the kitchen floor. Then she slipped in it and smacked her head.

Robby is really, REALLY enjoying camp! His counselors ADORE him, he's made tons of friends, and he has yet to lose anything else. He goes back and forth on how he eats his lunch - some days, every last little bite, and some days, just the fruit bar and granola bar. He also prefers when daddy makes his lunch ( YAY less work for mommy! )

Alex did not get the job he was hoping for, and he was rather saddened by it. I am hoping something better comes our way!

DeeDee peed right in the middle of our bed last night - on herself, on the blanket, and into the mattress. I do not know WTF that's about, but it had better not happen again. I walked her at about 8:30pm last night, and she peed at 4. And Mila's pump beeped alllll night.

All in all though, things are pretty darn good - the weather is good, the pool is warm, and the kids enjoy swimming.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Sunday, July 20, 2008

More Pictures

Sometimes the beauty of the moment is just the look in her eyes... she is just a baby, but yet the pain she's been through has weathered her. And strengthened her. Yes, in many ways, her body is weaker, but her determination, her personality is stronger. Mila goes goes goes until she just falls down and cannot get up again. I am still trying to figure out how to teach her self limitation....

( And sorry about the slight under exposedness of this photo, she was too close for flash! )

Robby is such a daredevil at the park.... He wouldn't listen to me when I said I wanted pictures of him going DOWN the slides... he kept wanting to climb up. I did finally get one of him going down... He is SO BIG! And so strong and handsome for his age. I'm a little biased...

Mila adores Robby and follows him around much like a little puppy dog. She cried when Robby made it to the top of this wooden bridge and she was still at the bottom. I lifted her up and he held her going down a nearby slide. Moments like that are priceless.... and I was too busy catching them to take a picture of them going down!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Despite the rain.....

Today has been an interesting day. It was only partially sunny this morning, but less than an hour later, it was hailing pea sized ice balls down upon me as I drove home. I had an umbrella with me but that didn't help as I *waded* through a puddle the size and shape of our parking lot. In fact, our parking lot may reside under this puddle.

But, despite the fact that I was wet and cold.... I am in a good mood.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

A post in which I complain - but with a happy ending..

Some days, I feel like I'm running on empty. My patience is low ( and occasionally completely gone ) and my tolerance level reached. The old addage - I've had it up to here applies to me with only a few microns to go before here is truly reached.

The issue is, of course, the overwhelming magnitude of things to be done and small beings to be cared for each and every day. My day goes from 6am to midnight, running flat out and full tilt. There is no break. I've been cancelling playdates left and right because I am so behind on housework* that I wouldn't want people to come over. Every two hours, I go to walk the dog. The dog, by the way, is either pregnant or experiencing a hormonal but puppless pregnancy. Complete with nasty mood swings. Its lovely. I cook three meals a day.. Well, actually, I cook up to 8 meals a day. Robby wants a waffle in the morning, Mila wants toast, and I want cereal. Mila wants chopped turkey and chickpeas for lunch, Robby gets a cheese sandwhich and a bunch of snacks, and I want my veggie patty and refried beans for just 4 points. And dinner? FORGET IT. I don't want to talk about dinner.

* Disclaimer: my house is not actually in bad condition. It is perpetually in need of an hour or two of work to be well tidied, but I do not have this hour. I can barely pee in privacy between the two kids, and the damn dog.

Yesterday, I reached my breaking point. KABOOM! I got up insanely early, then the dog peed on the floor while I was putting my shoes on to take her out. Then Mila woke up in a crappy mood. Then I discovered we were out of garbage bags and Zantac and ran out to get them before Mila could nap. Then she fell asleep in the car on the way home, the dog wouldn't pee, and I was so exhausted that I decided to forgo cleaning and nap myself... Thats about when the construction started in front of the apartment with pole drivers and sawing and hammering of fence posts. Which, in turn, made the dog insane with barking and shivering and protecting of her people. No nap was had by me, despite my forcing myself to stay in bed for two hours ( wasted because I slept not one second ). As soon as Mila got up, I threw her and the dog into the car to go get Robby. Mila wouldn't drink or eat at Sophia's, though I did get the dog to pee & poo while we took a walk there. We hit the pharmacy for the Zantac, but Robby ran out the entrance and I had to go all the way around to the exit because the door only opens one way. He was IN THE PARKING LOT by himself and I wanted to BEAT HIM.

We came home. Mila cried incessantly. Robby whined that he wanted a freezie, didn't want dinner, etc etc. Finally, Mila ate her 1/2 a hotdog ( most went to the dog ) and Robby ate his mac n cheese with hotdog. I packed them up and went to go rescue Alex, who was alone and in need of a break. I decided ice cream was in order.... I shared it with Robby & Mila. It was DELICIOUS.

Right up until a fountain of puke spewed forth from my daughter, completely saturating her stroller. Which would have been okay if I had not forgotten the wipes, a blanket, and a carrier. I did, however, have an extra, mostly clean outfit for her.

Coffee, I though. Coffee would fix this. I hit the nearby timmies, which, extremely surprisingly, had no line. My cashier was about 12 years old, brand new, and completely and totally worthless. He touched the timbits with his UNGLOVED hands ( ew ), crapped out on my coffee order ( there is a difference between a double double ( cream ) and TWO MILK... and that difference is over 100 calories ), which was fine, because he also crapped out on PUTTING THE LID ON, which meant that my stroller tray filled with overly creamy and sweet coffee, and spilled all down my diaper bag. And then, even though he MADE Alex's Ice Capp, he put it AROUND THE CORNER rather than HAND IT TO ME. And then I had to wait for a damn straw.. ( which of course became saturated with coffee ).

Fine. Take a deep breath.

And then Robby ran away from me in the store and I totally totally lost my mind. I decided I would wait outside for Alex to come home in hopes that he would take the children and I could sit in a corner, rocking gently, and sucking my thumb until the children grew up and went off to college. We sat outside the front door, and the kids began to play.

And I remembered why I loved them so damn much.

Robby taught his sister "Ring Around the Rosie " and she didn't fall down until he told her too. They rolled down a gentle slope, giggling as the grass tickled them. Mila chased Robby and he let her catch him. He spied Alex across the street and yelled HI DADDY! with such joyful abandon. Mila shrieked and they both ran to him.

And I smiled and decided they could live until tomorrow.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

What to do about sleep...

I do not think that Mila has any idea how to sleep. Honestly, she fights every drowsy yawn, every slow eyeblink. Every last little bit of wakefullness ends up being a huge cryfest!!! Last night and the night before, I had to sit next to her crib, singing and shushing her for over an hour while she put up a terrible fight.

Hopefully, she'll catch on that I'm not willing to pick her up anymore when she is in bed. We've been forced to spoil her because of her issues but by the same token, its time to train her to sleep peacefully for her own good. And for mine, since I need more sleep. A lot more sleep.

And so I sit and shush and shush and sing till my voice gives out.

What to do about sleep...

I do not think that Mila has any idea how to sleep. Honestly, she fights every drowsy yawn, every slow eyeblink. Every last little bit of wakefullness ends up being a huge cryfest!!! Last night and the night before, I had to sit next to her crib, singing and shushing her for over an hour while she put up a terrible fight.

Hopefully, she'll catch on that I'm not willing to pick her up anymore when she is in bed. We've been forced to spoil her because of her issues but by the same token, its time to train her to sleep peacefully for her own good. And for mine, since I need more sleep. A lot more sleep.

And so I sit and shush and shush and sing till my voice gives out.

Friday, July 11, 2008

from the floor of the kids room

Blogging half heartedly fom the floor of milas room. Its ridiculous that right now she will only tolerate me holding her. No one else. Not alex, not sophia, not boris. Me. And only me. And its getting ridiculous.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

More on Sleep

Well, I totally, totally jinxed myself yesterday by posting how I was awake too early.

Today, I woke up at 7:59 - exactly 31 minutes to be out the door.

Oh, crap.

Mornings are so hectic right now. Thank goodness Alex had walked the dog because I certainly didn't have time, and the dog will not / cannot hold it.

In the space of 31 minutes :

Wake Robby.
Wake Mila.
Unhook Mila.
Wake Robby again and find him clothes.
Help him change.
Decide M can go in her pjs.
Turn on Bo on the Go!! for kids to watch.
Make Robby's lunch ( Cheese sandwich cut into a person shape, applesauce, fruit bar, two chocolate eggs, spoon, juice box ).
Give Robby a cereal bar and yogurt for breakfast.
Remind him 6 times to take a bite of yogurt.
Remind him 9 times to take a bite of cereal bar.
Find keys, purse, backpack, hat, sunglasses.
Unload forgotten wet towel from bag from yesterday.
Hang wet towel from chair.
Grab self a granola bar for breakfast.
Get Mila into MT.
Find Robby's sandals.
Get Robby into sandals and hat.
Find a sweater for Robby just in case.
Search for M's hat, decide she doesn't need one.
Find dog ( with Alex ).
Usher two kids down the stairs and into the car.
Buckle three seatbelts, back out of the extremely narrow parking stall.
Quickly drive to Y, all while explaining to Robby that I didn't bring him a granola bar today because he hasnt' been eating his sandwich. If he eats his sandwich, he can have a granola bar tomorrow.
Remind Robby that he goes to Sophia's tonight while I go to meet another tube feeding mama.
Unbuckle two kids, remembering to grab hat and backpack, sweater, and keys.
Get M into MT.
Get Robby into his group, and signed in by 8:33.

I rock.

Right up until someone mentioned going to the wading pools today.

Oh, crap..... No towel, no shorts, no swimming trunks.

Hope he has a good time anyway.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Like A Trained Dog..

Six am. The sun in shining. The world outside is just beginning to stir. Both the children are quietly resting, still aslep. My husband, curled into the pillows, hasn't stirred. Even the dog has found a patch of sun in which to sleep.

Why the heck am I awake?

My husband has an AMAZING ability to LOOK at a pillow and fall right to sleep. Instantly. Unless the temperature is above 30* inside the house, he can sleep. On the sofa. In a chair. In the bed. As long as he is semi horizontal, he's DONE.

Obviously, this was a talent that I am sorely lacking. I cannot command myself to sleep. I can barely take a *nap* when I am exhausted, often trudging down the stairs more grumpy than I began!

My body has adjusted to waking up at 6am with the dog or a child. In 13 minutes ( which would truly by 7am, now that I've been awake ), I will start making lunch for Robby. I will set up the coffee pot, walk the dog, and likely - unload the dishwasher.

No wonder I am in bed by 9.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Friday, July 4, 2008

Random Cuteness.

Robby is doing well at camp after the intial " I don't want to listen " issues. He is eating his lunch and behaving well as far as I know. There is no battle to get him to go into camp the same way there was last year. Yesterday, the kids went to Safeway and brought home entire BOXES of cookies! OMG! Who NEEDS that in the house? Thankfully, they are crunchy maple flavoured with bright red sugar. Not something that appeals to me, thank god. The peanut butter cookies that I snuck into the house the other day? I threw them out last night. Robby didn't like them but I most certainly did!

When we were at the park, we came across this mother duck and her babies. I believe there were seven kidlets, and Mommy duck kept them quite safe, chasing off a muskrat ( we think thats what it is ) and other ducks to battle for the bread we bought... She was so busy chasing other ducks off that she barely got any bread though! The babies were adorable, and when they stretched out in a line behind her, even Robby went Awwww. I'm afraid M didn't have such a good time watching as I would NOT let her down by the water... besides, Mila was eating the old bread. Ew!

For his birthday, Robby got two super soakers and it hasn't been warm enough to use them. Well, its surely warm enough now and daddy showed him how. What a hit! He's not quite strong enough to pump AND pull the trigger, so he got quite a bit wetter than Daddy. He was SO EXCITED! He professed a dislike for the ultra cold water Daddy had in his watergun... Can't say I blame him there!

Isn't Mila's shirt CUTE? Its spf 50 - no more slathering her chest with chemical sunblock to keep her scar from the sun. Its nice and cool, dries super duper quickly, and its cute. She's cute! She LOVES the park. We go down a very very twisty turny road to get there, and Robby has taken to saying Wheeeeeeee as we go around the curves... And now, so does Mila. What a copy cat!

Here is the dog right after her bath. Pardon the way I look, its +33 in the house during the day!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

How to Be a Worry Wort

How to be a worry wort, by yours truly - Mom of the Year

Step 1 - Waffle back and forth uncertainly on whether or not your child is actually sick or merely completely spoiled.

Step 2 - Decide ( again ) based on overwhelming evidence, that yes, said child is spoiled, but does have a basis of being " sick " ( reflux, DGE, food aversion, and healing heart defect ) and therefore, is not completely at fault for not eating.

Step 3 - Waffle back and forth on whether the risks of gtube surgery are easier to accept then shoving a small yellow tube into the nose of a small screaming child.

Step 4 - Blanch completely white when Hubster mentions that it is time to change the tube before it leaks all over us ( again ).

Step 5 - Remember with absolute clarity how horrible insertion is on everyone and decide ( again ) based on overwhelming evidence that ANYTHING is better than having to deliberately and repeatedly torture small, sick child, even for their own benefit.

Step 6 - Force hubby to repeatedly go over the if ands or butts of the appointment, despite the fact that this has NOT shown to be effective in getting Hubster to keep quiet OR stay on topic.

Step 7 - Develope a stomach ache thinking about surgery for small child, and the new tube that will be drilled into her body.

Step 8 - Force hubby to go over possible responses to normal GI questioning ( again. )

Step 9 - Yell at Hubby for laughing at possible over mothering of small child.

Step 10- Change a dirty diaper that does not so much resemble poo as much as toxic waste with radioactive fumes that may destroy the world, and has already destroyed my will to eat breakfast.

Step 11 - Force hubby to go over every possible track the GI might possibly go down. Again. Does she need this med? Does she need that med?

Step 12 - Fume when Hubster decides that 238479347 times going over this is NOT GOING TO HELP.

Step 13 - Decide Hubster is right.

Step 14 - Shift gears and worry instead about weight gain.

Step 15 - Question Hubster repeatedly on small child's lack of body fat versus height.

Step 16 - Pout mightily when Hubster refuses to accomodate my concerns.

Step 17 - Realize that the GI appointment is not for another six hours.

Step 18 - Decide six hours is not enough time to complete preperations.

Step 19 - Meticulously write out every question for GI on an index card.

Step 20 - Force Hubster to review list.

Step 21 - Rewrite list in order of importance.

Step 22 - Rewrite list rather than let hubby add soemthing to the bottom.

Step 23 - Rewrite list again.

Step 24 - Search internet for possible reasons why child isn't eating. Again.

Step 25 - Question small child on lack of eating.

Step 26 - Take childs lack of response as a personal insult.

Step 27 - Worry that small child is behind on talking skills.

Step 28 - Eat breakfast and realize there is still five hours and fifty five minutes before appointment.