Some days, I feel like I'm running on empty. My patience is low ( and occasionally completely gone ) and my tolerance level reached. The old addage - I've had it up to here applies to me with only a few microns to go before here is truly reached.
The issue is, of course, the overwhelming magnitude of things to be done and small beings to be cared for each and every day. My day goes from 6am to midnight, running flat out and full tilt. There is no break. I've been cancelling playdates left and right because I am so behind on housework* that I wouldn't want people to come over. Every two hours, I go to walk the dog. The dog, by the way, is either pregnant or experiencing a hormonal but puppless pregnancy. Complete with nasty mood swings. Its lovely. I cook three meals a day.. Well, actually, I cook up to 8 meals a day. Robby wants a waffle in the morning, Mila wants toast, and I want cereal. Mila wants chopped turkey and chickpeas for lunch, Robby gets a cheese sandwhich and a bunch of snacks, and I want my veggie patty and refried beans for just 4 points. And dinner? FORGET IT. I don't want to talk about dinner.
* Disclaimer: my house is not actually in bad condition. It is perpetually in need of an hour or two of work to be well tidied, but I do not have this hour. I can barely pee in privacy between the two kids, and the damn dog.
Yesterday, I reached my breaking point. KABOOM! I got up insanely early, then the dog peed on the floor while I was putting my shoes on to take her out. Then Mila woke up in a crappy mood. Then I discovered we were out of garbage bags and Zantac and ran out to get them before Mila could nap. Then she fell asleep in the car on the way home, the dog wouldn't pee, and I was so exhausted that I decided to forgo cleaning and nap myself... Thats about when the construction started in front of the apartment with pole drivers and sawing and hammering of fence posts. Which, in turn, made the dog insane with barking and shivering and protecting of her people. No nap was had by me, despite my forcing myself to stay in bed for two hours ( wasted because I slept not one second ). As soon as Mila got up, I threw her and the dog into the car to go get Robby. Mila wouldn't drink or eat at Sophia's, though I did get the dog to pee & poo while we took a walk there. We hit the pharmacy for the Zantac, but Robby ran out the entrance and I had to go all the way around to the exit because the door only opens one way. He was IN THE PARKING LOT by himself and I wanted to BEAT HIM.
We came home. Mila cried incessantly. Robby whined that he wanted a freezie, didn't want dinner, etc etc. Finally, Mila ate her 1/2 a hotdog ( most went to the dog ) and Robby ate his mac n cheese with hotdog. I packed them up and went to go rescue Alex, who was alone and in need of a break. I decided ice cream was in order.... I shared it with Robby & Mila. It was DELICIOUS.
Right up until a fountain of puke spewed forth from my daughter, completely saturating her stroller. Which would have been okay if I had not forgotten the wipes, a blanket, and a carrier. I did, however, have an extra, mostly clean outfit for her.
Coffee, I though. Coffee would fix this. I hit the nearby timmies, which, extremely surprisingly, had no line. My cashier was about 12 years old, brand new, and completely and totally worthless. He touched the timbits with his UNGLOVED hands ( ew ), crapped out on my coffee order ( there is a difference between a double double ( cream ) and TWO MILK... and that difference is over 100 calories ), which was fine, because he also crapped out on PUTTING THE LID ON, which meant that my stroller tray filled with overly creamy and sweet coffee, and spilled all down my diaper bag. And then, even though he MADE Alex's Ice Capp, he put it AROUND THE CORNER rather than HAND IT TO ME. And then I had to wait for a damn straw.. ( which of course became saturated with coffee ).
Fine. Take a deep breath.
And then Robby ran away from me in the store and I totally totally lost my mind. I decided I would wait outside for Alex to come home in hopes that he would take the children and I could sit in a corner, rocking gently, and sucking my thumb until the children grew up and went off to college. We sat outside the front door, and the kids began to play.
And I remembered why I loved them so damn much.
Robby taught his sister "Ring Around the Rosie " and she didn't fall down until he told her too. They rolled down a gentle slope, giggling as the grass tickled them. Mila chased Robby and he let her catch him. He spied Alex across the street and yelled HI DADDY! with such joyful abandon. Mila shrieked and they both ran to him.
And I smiled and decided they could live until tomorrow.