Shh!

About a month ago, we met with the GI who told us that it was very unlikely that Mila had reflux based on a test from a year ago. He told us to have her come off of the Zantac ( cold turkey, no less ) because we shouldn't have her on anti reflux meds if she did not have reflux.

That was the last night she slept through the night. The very next night, she started screaming and arching in her sleep. We had pediatrician visits. We called cardiology.We had emergency echocardiograms. We had a coronary angiogram complete with sedation and intubation.

No one could find anything wrong.

Then Mila stopped tolerating her night feeds. Late into the night, she'd be so hysterical that we'd have to stop her feed and untangle her so that she could be brought downstairs and comforted. She started losing weight. I called the GI. I called home nutrition. Mila's home nurse came and went, concerned that she was too thin - again. A unilateral decision was made that we would take her off night feeds for a day or two, and restart the Zantac, then restart the night feeds.

She's slept through the night twice in two days.

Take that, doctor. I'm coming in on Wednesday, and I'm coming in hot. I'm angry. I told you we thought she had reflux and you disagreed. I told you I wanted the test redone and you refused. I didn't want to take her off the Zantac, and you push.

And my baby suffered for three weeks because you said it was just a feeding aversion.

You and I are going to have words, doctor. And mine will not be those of a doctor fearing, uneducated over-reacting mother. I kept my daughter alive and reasonably healthy for eleven months when she had only a 10% chance of survival. I sat with her for nights of screaming. I carried her through days that are blurred from lack of sleep. I cried when she cried, and I pushed. I pushed the doctors, even when they said *I* was the problem. I pushed them when they said " Its just her personality. " I pushed them when they sent us home, when they tried to send us home to wait for surgery, I pushed them when she came back with fever.

I'm going to push you, too.