Dear Neighbor - I don't enjoy your music during the day. I most certainly do not enjoy it at four am. I don't know why you feel the need to do this, but please knock it off this very second or I will be forced to slip a note under your door explaining my displeasure. I'm really non confrontational, and I don't have hours to spend stressing about offending someone. And stop waking up the damned baby!
Dear Mila - Stop waking up. Just because the neighbor is rude and starting his day at four am, does not mean you, too, must start your day at four am. Mommy doesn't like four am. Mommy doesn't even like six am. In fact, until the sun begins to rise, Mommy still considers it night time. Mommy wants her sleep. Don't you want to sleep?
Dear Robby - Don't sleep through wetting the bed. You've never been one for accidents, so I'd really prefer you didn't start now. You can always yell for me, and I'll wake up and take you to the washroom if you don't wnt to go by yourself in the dark. I get it, no problem, but I don't want to have to wash your sheets every day. Although it did give me an excuse to wash some fabric.
Dear Lady Vacuuming at 7am - Give it a break. Eight Oclock. Please. I'm dying here.
Dear Lady in front of me at the grocery Store - I don't want to hear about your trip to Calgary. I'm pretty sure the cashier doesn't either. So shush up and finish counting out 97 cents in pennies. If you don't hurry up, my daughter will scream. And don't give me dirty looks because Robby ran your ankles over in the shopping cart. If you weren't counting out pennies, you'd be gone already and he wouldn't be stuck behind you while you tell us about how it snowed in calgary, but then it melted and the weather was beautiful.
Dear Receptionist at the Gym... I made this for you but I don't know if you'll want it. I'm giving it to you anyway. You are so cute with your bump and I know how worried you are about preterm labor. Have a ducky!